Saturday, January 30, 2010


Phobia: an anxiety disorder characterized by extreme and irrational fear of simple things or social situations

Let me stress "irrational". Knowing the phobia is irrational doesn't help a bit. The fear is real. I have never encountered another person with the following set of fears, but was wondering if by chance anyone else out there can relate.

Fear of metal awnings. Not the entire awning, just the scalloped edge that hangs down in the front. They always seem to be some shade of green or white, weathered to a dull powdery finish, streaks of brownish orange running downward to a rusty-sharp terminus. The awning taunts me as I walk along an otherwise welcoming sidewalk, projecting its razor edge downward, waiting for the opportunity to open up a laceration in my forehead. Put me next to the buildings...put me out in the street...I cannot walk under the front edge of a metal awning.

Cuttle bones. These are the internal framework of the alien creature known as a cuttlefish. They are commonly sold as a chew-toy for parakeets. I cannot touch them...they give me the creeps. I know that as soon as would try to pick it up, a splinter will jut out and embed itself deep underneath my, I'm not guessing. I KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN! As I type this, I have actual pain running up my arms just thinking about the evil, evil little torture device known as a cuttle bone.

Emery Boards. A device specifically designed for smoothing one's fingernails. Oh yes, please oh please remove my fingernails by means of the slow arduous torture of repeated abrasion...GAH! I cannot reach into my wife's purse for fear of grabbing one by mistake. Sandpaper? no problem. I can ( and often do) use sandpaper all day long. I have no aversion to sandpaper...but adhere it to a popsicle stick and you can watch me wet myself in fear. Oh God....emery board inside of a popsicle? That would be the end-all torture prank of all time....licking down to the stick of a popsicle to find the abrasive gratings of an emery board hidden within, silently waiting for your teeth.

Ok, so I have bravely exposed my phobias for the world to see and ridicule. It hasn't helped a bit to admit these things. So who else wants to step up to the plate and talk about what truly scares you?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

All of a Sudden.....

What a strange phrase.

"ALL OF A SUDDEN"...also known as Suddenly : . 1. Happening without previous notice or with very brief notice; coming unexpectedly, or without the common preparation; immediate; instant; speedy.


If something happens with limited notice, is it appropriate to say it happened 'SOME of a sudden'? If more than adequate notice has been given, would that be 'NONE of a sudden'?

Suddenly I have a headache behind my eye.

Friday, January 8, 2010

on Vampires...

It may come as a shock to people who have followed my work, but I really don't watch many horror movies. I enjoy a good suspenseful thriller, don't get me wrong, but horror for the sake of horror has never been my thing. A strange thought has just crossed my mind, though. I do not remember ever seeing a portrayal of a fat vampire. Hollywood tends to cast the dirty bloodsuckers as muscular beings with sexy bodies...all chiseled and cool, with perfect hair and expensive fashionable clothing. Has there ever been a portrayal of a morbidly obese vampire? Seriously, what would keep a vampire from falling victim to the sins of gluttony, particularly in a world where the blood supply is already tainted with cholesterol and fatty deposits? If a vampire ravenously feasts on fatty blood, does he in turn become a mound of flesh?


Wednesday, January 6, 2010


Wow, it has been a while since I have posted anything new here...mostly because I have not had anything new to post. Here's a quick update:

Mr. Sandman fell over on Christmas eve. Logic tells me it was because of the heavy wind we had that night, but the kid in me says I should look for sleigh tracks and aggressive hoof prints across his robes. I got nothing for Christmas...not even a lump of coal. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to put the grim grinning reaper up during Christmas after all.

New Year's Eve was alot of fun. I spent two nights camping with family, and observed about 300 insane people taking a New Year's Day swim in near freezing water. Winter camping is a challenge, even when camping in a heated trailer.

Yesterday was my 43rd birthday. I celebrated by starting a few new sculptures that will end up on Etsy. I am exploring a new line of thought in my creations this time....I have never sculpted large-boned beings with ample flesh. I am enjoying the challenge very much, and am looking forward to seeing my morbidly obese vision come to life.